Finally, son!

thedailywhat:

Invalid Argument of the Day: At the risk of canceling the Internet and sending everybody home, here’s an audio clip of Nicolas Cage covering LMFAO’s “Sexy and I Know It” on Capital FM’s Capital Breakfast.

[ontd.]

Man vs Toddler

(via Reddit)

But the President isn’t in a wheelchair…

Him: Were you an accident prone child?

Me: I don’t think I was any more accident prone than most children. Went to the ER for slamming my thumb in a door. You know, usual stuff. What about you?

Him: Not really. I was pretty careful growing up. But I think the fact that you only went to the ER once is pretty good!

Me: Oh wait. On my fourth birthday I was playing in the neighbor’s yard and I tripped and fell. As I was falling I must have been screaming because when my chin hit their driveway my teeth went right through my tongue. The hole was so big I’m pretty sure it was just dangling by a thread. I remember wearing a plaid skirt with a white sweater that had bows on it. I accessorized with white tights, patent leather mary-janes, and a pearl headband.

Anyway, my mom and our neighbor drove me to the ER. Since I was swallowing so much blood I started throwing up all over the dashboard of our neighbor’s car. My dad was at a Giants game otherwise he would have driven me - probably much faster too. I don’t remember our neighbor having a real sense of urgency about the whole thing. So yeah, they sewed my tongue back together and I got to eat ice cream for awhile. 

Him: …oh. I see. 

Still haven’t heard about a possible second date…

• Me: I just watched We Need to Talk About Kevin.
• Lindsey: What's that?
• Me: That Tilda Swinton movie.
• With John C. Reilly.
• And they make an Asian baby.
• Lindsey: What!?!?!?
• Me: That kills people.
• Lindsey: WHAT!?!?!?!
• Any good?
• Me: Apparently he's not "really Asian," according to Mark.

daveplusthings:

HAHA. File this under Reasons the Internet is Awesome.

Indeed.

Dear Christian Louboutin, 

You are not allowed to sell shoes that retail, on average, for $1,200 and also have this on your web site:

Thank you,

Marf.

This is the best hardcore song I’ve heard in a long time. My expectations for my future daughter are astronomically high now.

M83 audition.

Thanks Dave!

Somebody That I Used To Know - Gotye (feat. Kimbra)

Kind of sounds like Phil Collins but with a lot more teeth.

(sounding like Phil Collins is a good thing in my book)

#80sbaby

Sometimes girls just need to hear it.

Source: ughdie

The high in New York City today was 28°F.

…

Drool coaster.